Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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