God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
