Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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