Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
