could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
