She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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