I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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