We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
