he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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