I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
