please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
