I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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