yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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