You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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