Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
