What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
