Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
