Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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