just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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