I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
