The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
