take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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