I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
