Im at strip club and am horny
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
