Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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