It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
