...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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