We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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