around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
