you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
