It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
