I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
