hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
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You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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