I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
