Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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