my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
