I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
