About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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