These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
