soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
