i think i have herpe
just one?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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