Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love having hate sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
