Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
