Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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