Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
