dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
