we're blogging at a bar
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I did not marry a roomba.
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