Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
