I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
