fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
