Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
