as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
