you would pick up someone in the library
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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