if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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