i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You're like the curious george of whores
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
