so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
